Monday, October 1, 2007

Child Suport is Not A Gravy Train

Every time my ex and I argue about money, he tells me that if he loses his job, then I'm off the gravy train. He seems to think that child support is optional and that I am a freeloader to his benevolence. I just do not think he will ever get over the idea that he can't live at his desired standard of living because he has to pay child support. I also don't think that he feels the same obligation as other parents when it comes to supporting his children.

Paying child support is no easy task. Imagine giving money to someone else after spending hours at a job. Think about living at a reduced standard of living and having little money to save. And the kicker is that this can go on for eighteen years. It takes a strong reality pill to adjust to these circumstances and to find a mindset where child support is acceptable.

I am on the receiving end of child support and I do appreciate the tough life-adjustments resulting from child support. For the past few months, I have taken less than our agreed upon amount because I wanted to help my ex get started in his new life.

But in the time I have been helping him, he has become bitter toward me and sometimes even hostile. My willingness to help through our transition to living in different homes has cost me sleep and money that I need to support two kids-one a special needs kid. I have come to the conclusion that I just need a new arrangement on child support where I do not help him at all. If my ex had a different attitude and would work with me, I would continue to return the favor of helping him. But his lack of change has made this possibility a moot point.

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