Thursday, August 2, 2007

Blind and Happy in a One-sided Marriage? Never Again.

For years I spent time participating in a one-sided relationship—definitely not a balanced relationship. I supported my ex while he was in grad school; I worked all the time—days, nights and weekends. I bought a second car—a hatchback that my ex refused to drive, so I gave him my SUV. I did all the domestic work, even when we entertained large groups of his friends. Looking back, I realized that I did not mind the work. I thought that my ex's focus on his career would pay off for both of us.

Well being the hopeful and foolish person I was, my ex’s career focus helped him and not me. His salary and job potential have substantially grown at my expense. Over time, I felt like I was a second mommy for my ex so that he could grow up and become a successful person. I also felt like a fraud victim in the relationship department. Oh well!

I learned my lesson the hard way that I should not have been the one doing all the work. Even when I was pregnant with my second child, I worked full-time, took care of domestic tasks and spent time trying to diagnose my first child’s health issues. My ex just played Everquest and told me his work schedule was slow. In future relationships, I won’t be with anyone who can’t pull an equal amount of the weight in the relationship. I also refuse to be someone’s mommy. I have two babies of my own thank you.

My ex is the one who lost out though. When he gets lost taking care of himself and has the nerve to call me for advice, I won’t be there to bail him out. For example, if my ex has a late bill because he forgot to pay on time, I do not have to be there to save his credit history. Or better yet, when he's telling me he can't afford groceries because he spent his entire budget on gaming and his girlfriend, I don't use my own resourcefulness to help him eat on a budget. Not my problem anymore.

My ex will struggle for awhile and that's fine by me since he did not appreciate what I did for him during all the years we were married.

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