Monday, August 20, 2007

Lying in marriage is disbelief when separated

My ex called this weekend and said he may lose his job or could be reassigned to an uninteresting position. He said his boss' job was potentially on the chopping block and the same could hold true for his job. This information immediately evoked two reactions from me. The first was that my ex needed to give me proof that any pink slip was not a resignation. The second was how am I suppose or take care of two babies when my ex can't or won't keep a job. Needless to say my ex did not stop by to visit the kids for several days because he was upset at me about my lack of sympathy for his situation.

My ex has a strong history of lying about his transgressions. He lied about his affair, the money he spends on his girlfriend when the money is suppose to go to the his kids, and about his feelings toward me. My ex has also recently been saying he needs to move because he can't afford to live where he's at. Given that he has issues being honest with me, a girlfriend in Canada (3000 miles away), and a desire to move, it's not out of the question that he would lie to me about quiting his job. Even today, I put this scenario forward during a phone call and he got defensive although he did not disagree with what I was saying. As far as I have ever known, you just can't regularly lie and then expect someone to believe you.

Aside from my ex telling too many lies, he never seems to place his kids as the highest priority in life. He wants his kids taken care of, but he's not willing to go the extra mile or make the extra sacrifice for his kids to have a good life. Now it may be too much to expect someone to live by this ideal, but this is how I was raised. My parents went out their way so that I could have more opportunities in life. When my ex spoke of a possible lay off from his current job, he did not bring up the subject of how to take care of the kids if his job does not work out. The only topic of interest was his need for sympathy concerning his career. Given my beliefs about family first, I did not understand his self-focus. I know that maintaining a career is important, but family well-being is more important to me. My thought is that he should have been focussed on making sure he could provide for his family even if it meant looking for work on the side or looking for other jobs should his current one come to an end.

I think my ex believes he deserves sympathy from everyone in his life. He expects people to put him first. I believe one reason reconciliation with my ex will be painstakingly difficult is that he has difficulty putting others first unless they out him first. There is no sense of selflessness in his beliefs.

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