Find a Counselor. Don't Bother Me.

For all people who have gone through agonizing separations or divorce, I have a tale of an ex who I label as pathetic for his inability to grow up and accept the consequences of his actions. Please read on.

This Saturday, my called 2 times in the afternoon to check on me and the kids. Since we were not on friendly terms over the past week, I could not understand the sudden concern. Just a few days ago, he called me several four-letter words (like F.B.) and stormed outside. I was simply annoyed at this display of concern since we are not a couple or even anything close to resembling friends.

On Saturday evening just before a dinner date with a friend, my ex called again and told me he was depressed and that he would not see the kids on Sunday. He also apologized for treating me poorly during our marriage and said he might be gone on Sunday. He said no one cared for him anymore and that it was not worth being around. He then got upset at me for not wanting to listen--saying that I did not care. To me, he sounded suicidal. I told him to call a crisis prevention hotline for advice--what else could I say?

Sunday started out as a peaceful day. I went on a nature walk with the kids, and we threw tons of rocks in the water. Then we had a late lunch together. In the afternoon, my ex starts again with the strange phone calls and nobody loves me comments. I finally told him that I was not there for him anymore as when we were married. I said we needed space and that he needed to talk to his family or find another support person. Again, he got mad at me. (Before talking to him in depth, I called the crisis prevention hotline to confirm my approach for dealing with a depressed ex. Never go blind into a conversation with a depressed person who wants to cling to you.)

My saga continues on Monday when my ex calls me and asks for help in scheduling a doctor's appointment. I help him on this because I am hoping a doctor will prescribe something for my ex so he will stop bothering me. He does not get an immediate appointment, so I let him know he has to wait and if there are issues, to go to an ER. He finally goes to an ER and then calls to ask how to get a prescription for Xanax filled. After telling him to just go to a pharmacy, I stopped answering the phone. I could not believe my ex needed his mommy for the most routine of tasks. Even my kids could figure this one out.

I called my ex's brothers to let them know my ex needed someone to talk to and that person should not be me. His brothers did reach out to him, and he told me to not call his family again. Too bad for him. If he's using me as a support, I am telling his family. They are a nice bunch and have always been helpful to me.

Anyway, my ex in his narcissistic tendencies asks me to keep quiet around mutual friends and his family. I don't think so. My solution to dealing with issues is to talk to friends and family and let the secrets out of the bag. I learned long ago that bottling up the world goes nowhere.

My ex just will not leave me alone in some ways. He wants his girlfriend to adore him and me to comfort him. I think he needs to get a life and realize he does not get everything he wants. I am not part of a harem now and never have been.

Single Mom Not "Out-of-the-Closet" and Ready to Date

Being single for the first time in 15 years, I wonder what it's like to date again. How do you get started? What about online dating? I know a few who have tried it and not totally slammed the concept.

I first looked at at Match.com out of curiosity and wondered why some guys use really strange handles like highestluv, out-of-the-fog, or five_elements. Not to mention some with names like "carpediem man." Why would I date a guy who is telling me he's now out of the fog. Am I suppose to assume enlightenment? And highestluv? A flaky name. Am I dating God? Maybe he wouldn't like me either. Five_elements of what? Does this guy like Shirley McLean? Is he into New Age medicine and yoga? And, if I see a name like carpediem, I'm thinking the guy's a one-night stand. The handles some guys use are right out of 40's mid-life crisis.

If you log onto eHarmony.com, you get asked tons of religious or spirituality questions. I don't mind some of the questions, but if I am suffering through them wondering who I could meet at the end, what are others thinking of as they struggle? Can I really answer grid-upon-grid of questions with any accuracy? I felt like I was making up answers to get out of a chore. I hope eHarmony makes dating easier than the screening. Maybe that's the test. If you are patient enough to go through a hundred questions, you're patient enough for a long-term romance.

After looking at the online stuff, I just gave up the idea of dating for awhile. With two little kids, I am not sure how I would even start. Maybe using a catalog of guys from a foreign country who will stay home and take care of the kids while I work?

Oh well, maybe dating is not such a scary idea. I just feel like I'm "in-the-closet" and not ready to come out yet.