Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Find a Counselor. Don't Bother Me.

For all people who have gone through agonizing separations or divorce, I have a tale of an ex who I label as pathetic for his inability to grow up and accept the consequences of his actions. Please read on.

This Saturday, my called 2 times in the afternoon to check on me and the kids. Since we were not on friendly terms over the past week, I could not understand the sudden concern. Just a few days ago, he called me several four-letter words (like F.B.) and stormed outside. I was simply annoyed at this display of concern since we are not a couple or even anything close to resembling friends.

On Saturday evening just before a dinner date with a friend, my ex called again and told me he was depressed and that he would not see the kids on Sunday. He also apologized for treating me poorly during our marriage and said he might be gone on Sunday. He said no one cared for him anymore and that it was not worth being around. He then got upset at me for not wanting to listen--saying that I did not care. To me, he sounded suicidal. I told him to call a crisis prevention hotline for advice--what else could I say?

Sunday started out as a peaceful day. I went on a nature walk with the kids, and we threw tons of rocks in the water. Then we had a late lunch together. In the afternoon, my ex starts again with the strange phone calls and nobody loves me comments. I finally told him that I was not there for him anymore as when we were married. I said we needed space and that he needed to talk to his family or find another support person. Again, he got mad at me. (Before talking to him in depth, I called the crisis prevention hotline to confirm my approach for dealing with a depressed ex. Never go blind into a conversation with a depressed person who wants to cling to you.)

My saga continues on Monday when my ex calls me and asks for help in scheduling a doctor's appointment. I help him on this because I am hoping a doctor will prescribe something for my ex so he will stop bothering me. He does not get an immediate appointment, so I let him know he has to wait and if there are issues, to go to an ER. He finally goes to an ER and then calls to ask how to get a prescription for Xanax filled. After telling him to just go to a pharmacy, I stopped answering the phone. I could not believe my ex needed his mommy for the most routine of tasks. Even my kids could figure this one out.

I called my ex's brothers to let them know my ex needed someone to talk to and that person should not be me. His brothers did reach out to him, and he told me to not call his family again. Too bad for him. If he's using me as a support, I am telling his family. They are a nice bunch and have always been helpful to me.

Anyway, my ex in his narcissistic tendencies asks me to keep quiet around mutual friends and his family. I don't think so. My solution to dealing with issues is to talk to friends and family and let the secrets out of the bag. I learned long ago that bottling up the world goes nowhere.

My ex just will not leave me alone in some ways. He wants his girlfriend to adore him and me to comfort him. I think he needs to get a life and realize he does not get everything he wants. I am not part of a harem now and never have been.


urajerk said...

I was in the mall shopping for a picture frame for a relatively close friend of mine. She had just come home from her honeymoon and we were getting together this coming weekend to catch up and look at her photos . As I was walking into the store I made eye contact with her husband, surprisingly he approached me and we began speaking to one another. Now, I had only met him about three or four times before because after they met she stopped seeing many of her friends as with most new relationships. It was a brief dating period for them, in fact, they were married within five months of meeting each other. He was very pleasant, in fact he was overly nice and was leading into conversations that were making me feel a little uneasy. He started asking personal questions about my relationships and made an inquiry about me going out with a newly married man and how he could really show me a good time. He asked for my cellphone number and would not stop until I gave in, "WHAT A FOOL I AM" Now I don't know what to do, I can't tell my her because it will end my friendship for sure and I can't possibly go to her home and pretend this didn't happen. I confided with another close friend of mine and she told me about this site http://urajerk.com/ At first I thought is was just another one of those sites that pop up here and there but I checked it out. I must say I like it and thats why I am spreading the word. I was able to send him a few cards with some personal anonymous messages, he will know they are from me, but no one else will. I love this site because I can at least tell him that he is a F#%//ng JERK. Has anyone else gone through this crap before? How can men be such assholes? I mean JERKS!!!

Anonymous said...

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Money and Relationships

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